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An entirely unbiased checklist for squeezing out maximum volumes of sweat, suncream and satisfaction
What’s the best thing about Summer? Beaches? Feeling the sun on your face? Realising we’re all marching towards imminent death? Ice cream? If you’re too hot to even contemplate such a question, fear not - I've compiled a list of the most essential ‘can’t live withouts’ to help you cope, endure, maybe even thrive during the clammiest time of the year.
Fanta Limon
Spelt with an ‘i’. Everyone knows the citrus-based Fanta flavour tastes better when it’s served at a dusty roadside kiosk somewhere in southern europe. Amazingly, this refreshing and not-at-all-diabetic beverage has survived decades of EU Food Law Regulations to retain its delicious, distinguished, acne-inducing taste. Fantastico!
Importance: Essential
Flea Markets
If you read the article last quarter, you already know that we have something of a predilection towards markets here in the… ahem, field of marketing. No surprises then to see the leaping, bloodsucking variety on our summer checklist. Why not fill your bum bag (or man satchel) with an unpronounceable currency and take to the streets for an evening of sorting through wood spoons and second-hand Speedos? Because that’s what true holidays are made of.
Importance: Take it or leave it
Air Conditioning
“Siri, what are the two sexiest words in the English language during the month of August?”
Importance: Life or Death
Accents
One of the joys/horrors of a holiday abroad is in the attempt to cross the language barrier. Do you go for the accent and risk complete incoherence, possibly the offence of your waiter, or do you speak entirely in phonetics - “Bon jore. Joo voo drey oon just der orange, please.” and uphold the classic British trope of linguistic inflexibility. The choice is yóurs.
Importance: Optional
Electrified fly swats
Last July, I opened a cupboard in my hotel room and found an insect that looked like a cross between the prawns from District 9 and my year 7 maths teacher. This is the downside of the season - thankfully, there are ruthlessly efficient technology options to help us send mosquitoes and their wicked friends back to the eighth circle of hell from whence they came. Buy one and don’t look back.
Importance: Nice to have
So remember, with preparation there’s (less) perspiration - or something to that effect. Make sure you use the hot season in the way nature intended - drinking lemon-flavoured carbohydrates and bringing electrified justice to all flying insects. Now, how do you say ‘time for a nap’ in Portugese?
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